Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Stephenie Meyer's The Host Is Becoming A Movie - Sorry About That

Today I felt a very bad pain in my lower back. I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep and wound up getting out of bed to play Fable II while my wife remained at rest. After doing the usual morning routine, even though it should have changed since I don't have an office to go to anymore, I went about to do my errands and things. I had a deep sense of foreboding ill that washed over my entire being. When I finally returned home, I found out what was bugging me.

Another one of Stephenie Meyer's books is becoming a movie. If you thought the Twilight series was bad, well, you haven't seen shit yet. The Host is the next line and is based on her book which she describes as "science fiction for people who don't like science fiction." Let me translate; it is a book for people who don't like science fiction, good writing, or having to pay attention. Oh, and there is a much better movie out there called The Host already, only it is Korean, fun, interesting and cool.

Here is the blurb they are using to describe this foolish adaptation:
"...a love story set in the near future on Earth, which has been assimilated by an alien species of benevolent parasites that call themselves "Souls." One such soul, the Wanderer, is fused with a dying human named Melanie Stryder, in an attempt to locate the last pocket of surviving humans on Earth."
It sounds like a thousand other things you've seen and read before, only less cool, right? Well, pay a little more attention to it. If you say the names out loud you'll see that Stephenie Meyer and Melanie Stryder sound sort of similar. Could this be autobiographical? She seems to be sucking the souls out of so many people who have bought into her wussed out vampire saga, so it kind of makes sense. Beyond that, the writing is actually painfully worse than it was in the Twilight books. No, I didn't read all of that mockery of feminism, but I read a few chapters of the first, and pages from each other book, just so I could talk the talk. Her writing is crap, plain and simple. She has all the style and grace of a rusty rectal thermometer. Check out an excerpt from The Host right here, and be prepared to laugh your ass off.

Ok did you read it? How about that part where the character's name is Fords Deep Waters. Did you laugh? I did, and that was just THE FIRST LINE! Ugh. The only good thing about this news is that it means we've got one more movie to watch on Bad Movie Night. I'll have more on that for you this Friday.
blog comments powered by Disqus