Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I'd Be More Thankful If You Disappeared

Just about everyone is doing their Thanksgiving list or post today, but I wanted to do something a little bit different. There are people and things that exist on this planet which I think I would be a lot more thankful if they all just disappeared. I'm not saying I wish all of these some violent death, though some I might. I'm just saying life would be a little better without this crap in it.
  1. Kanye West: I don't want to seem like this is just cause of what he did this year. Let it be known that I couldn't stand the moron since the first time I heard his corny crap. I didn't like his music, and then his personality came and got in the way. Erase him and I don't have to hear any of his poor excuse for hip-hop, see pictures of him wearing mini-Venetian blinds over his eyes, or have him make any more public-speaking blunders. Yeah, I agreed with him on the whole G. W. Bush fiasco, but even that came off as just stone dumb.

  2. Incurable Diseases : The Earth has been around for almost 5 Billion years. Of that time, humans have been on it it for about 200,000 years. Sure, in the scheme of things, we are a pretty young species, but what the hell gives with the damn ills that still lurk around every corner? We can make blind people see with their tongue, exo-suits for paralyzed people to walk around in, and even lollipops that play music. Even through those amazing advances in technology, we still can't cure cancers, AIDS, Alzheimer's, cystic fibrosis, herpes, and even the goddamn flu! Hell, we watch our movies in tiny hand-held portable devices that can hold a ton of them as well as music, and we still can't keep people from catching something during anal sex?

  3. Expensive Shit That Breaks: I don't think I need to say much about this. If you buy something with your hard earned money, you hope it lasts forever. It's almost like a relationship. If you keep your end of the bargain and your precious thing decides to crap out on you, you're going to be angry, sad, and possibly violent. Even weddings have warranties now, in the form of prenuptial agreements, but when your 360 red-rings, your car's transmission dies, or your PS3 stops playing DVD's, you can't help but feel wronged, straight to the core of your barely beating heart.

  4. Amy Winehouse: Uhm... just look at that mess. One look is all you need to be convinced. I didn't need to even see her. That "Rehab" song made me want to shoot myself, and then the whole spectacle came about and well... you get the idea. Life is an interesting thing. You get food, which you need, and some of it tastes great. You get sex to reproduce, and that is pretty awesome. You get ears to hear, and eyes to see, but then sometimes we get someone like Amy Winehouse that just completely makes you no longer appreciate those senses. Oh, life, you crazy mixed up bag of candy and shit.

  5. Crappy Ass Economy: I don't know what to do to fix it. I don't know how the whole damn system collapsed to begin with. Actually, I have a few ideas about both, but I know that my ideas won't count for much in the big scheme, so I'll do what everyone else has been doing about this crap: bitch about it. Cow-tit juice shouldn't be so expensive. My low credit score shouldn't matter so much, and Black Friday shouldn't be the only day I can buy an HDTV for less than a mortgage. Sure, the USA exists as a capitalist nation, and without the system in place we'd have even less progressive technology and purchase capabilities at our finger tips, but even then it feels like something has to give. Do I really need to choose between owning a car and hip-surgery without insurance for being unemployed? Yes... actually, that seems a bit wrong, but I think you get the idea. I know I don't. Confused? You should be.

  6. Censorship: I know this is a big one to take on, and that some lazy freaks out there think they need to be told what is okay to say, read, watch, play, and listen to. And yes, doing away with this means that   I'd have to allow for everything else on this list to exist. Still, I can't help but think that things would be a lot more fun, interesting, informative, and honest if we really just let everything out, uncut and unedited. Don't bleep out "Give me the fucking pink elephant!" in Darkman. Don't cut away from the beheading in the original Omen. And by all means, let us beat as many whores down as we want in Grand Theft Auto. It is much better we let off a little steam through entertainment, sing along with someone pissed off with our headphones on, or read something that isn't accepted by the populous than go and act out all of our anger in real life. I much rather tell someone to "Eat Shit!" than actually watch them do it. Sometimes it's just the idea that counts, and making people shut those things down is sad and almost as destructive as acting them out.
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