Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Modern Warfare 2 Probably Isn't Going To Make You Kill Someone

As far back as I could possibly remember, anything that has brought joy into a person's life is supposed to be bad for them. The top culprits when I was a child were comic books and video games, but now that I'm all grown up I know it was all a bunch of malarkey. Parents are just doing what they think is right for their kids, which is fine and dandy, but when the press and special interest groups get involved with the things that should be in the hands of mom and dad I start to have an issue.

Marybeth Hicks, a supposed journalist, who has also written a guide to bringing up geeky children, apparently doesn't get it. She has gone on fire about Modern Warfare 2, declaring it harmful to those playing it and how it has the capability of influencing those above and below the age of 17. Honestly, before I was 17 I had seen hundreds, if not thousands, of R-rated films, played tons of video games that would be considered M-rated, and listened to hours upon hours of explicit lyrics in music.

I still haven't killed anyone.

In fact, there are tons of things I have never done, and no movie, video game, comic book or song has ever made me act any differently in real life.

Being annoyed by folks like Hicks and the legendary Jack Thompson, I decided to put together some things that I have managed to avoid doing, despite all the horrible acts I may have committed in the virtual worlds out there.

So, here is a list of 50 things video games have never made me do.

GameGrep
  1. Video games have never made me commit a carjacking.

  2. Video games have never made me endlessly eat white pills.

  3. Video games have never made me jump off of a tall building.

  4. Video games have never made me bite off more than I can chew.

  5. Video games have never made me a necrophiliac.

  6. Video games have never made me take up knitting.

  7. Video games have never made me pick-pocket a nun.

  8. Video games have never made me play soccer with a 2 month old baby as the ball.

  9. Video games have never made me hijack an airplane.

  10. Video games have never made me beat up a prostitute.

  11. Video games have never made me buy, steal or make a gun.

  12. Video games have never made me kill in the name of a deity.

  13. Video games have never made me an anarchist.

  14. Video games have never made me bathe myself in the blood of children.

  15. Video games have never made me call you a dirty whore.

  16. Video games have never made me compelled to endlessly stack boxes.

  17. Video games have never made me blow anything up, ever.

  18. Video games have never made me push people down the stairs.

  19. Video games have never made me rob a bank wearing a rubber mask.

  20. Video games have never made me wrestle a bear.

  21. Video games have never made me take part in a drive by shooting at an abortion clinic.

  22. Video games have never made me hate.

  23. Video games have never made me contribute to the delinquency of a minor.

  24. Video games have never made me start a riot.

  25. Video games have never made me pick a fight with a stranger just for the hell of it.

  26. Video games have never made me drunk in public.

  27. Video games have never made me mug a person in a wheel chair.

  28. Video games have never made me dance on someone's neck while wearing ice skates.

  29. Video games have never made me shave my body hair completely off.

  30. Video games have never made me join a terrorist cell.

  31. Video games have never made me overdose on heroin.

  32. Video games have never made me drop out of high school.

  33. Video games have never made me lose my train of thought.

  34. Video games have never made me hail Satan.

  35. Video games have never made me break my legs doing something I shouldn't be doing.

  36. Video games have never made me smuggle illegal goods in a condom that I swallowed.

  37. Video games have never made me listen to disco music.

  38. Video games have never made me cheat on my wife or taxes.

  39. Video games have never made me shit in the tank of your toilet.

  40. Video games have never made me blame all of my faults on society.

  41. Video games have never made me give bad Wall Street advice.

  42. Video games have never made me take credit for someone else's work.

  43. Video games have never made me give up on life.

  44. Video games have never made me homophobic, homosexual, homogenized or a homonym.

  45. Video games have never made me speak in forbidden languages.

  46. Video games have never made me deface public property.

  47. Video games have never made me steal from my parents just to buy more video games.

  48. Video games have never made me change how I act around people just to try to impress them.

  49. Video games have never made me do anything that I didn't already want to do.

  50. Video games have never made me lose faith in humanity's capability for rational thought. Humankind has done that all on its own.
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